Sometime around midnight...

I've been attempting to write an entry for the past month or so, but have yet to succeed due to the lack of time and energy. It's a brand new year, and I have yet to write my staple New Year's entry that recaps the past year and lists down all the lessons learnt (or not learnt). There is so much to be said, but with no time to say. And with each missed moment to express my thoughts, a new one comes by and erases the relevance of the previous draft.

This past year has proven how quickly time goes by. One minute, I was a senior in college- the next, I'm an Account Executive in a PR firm here in KL. One minute I was doing a keg stand at the Senior-Junior keg race...

Gotta admit, this was a pretty epic moment during my senior year.

...the next, I'm spending my Sunday evening in the office printing press releases.


But no, really... where did 2012 go?

So much happened over the past year- tragedies across the globe, Obama winning his second term, the supposed end of the world, Gangnam Style and its unexplainable popularity... and then there's me growing up and making that transition from undergrad to working girl.

It's still strange for me to tell people that I'm working, especially when I tell people whom I've known for so long. It still weirds me out when my friends and I get together and start talking about work, politics, the economy even- things I never thought (and probably still don't) I knew much about.

Sometimes I feel like a little girl wearing big girl shoes- I don't really know how to walk in them, but I want to. Other times, I feel older than I actually am- laughing at the stupidity and naivety of my youth and wondering why or how I thought it was a good idea at the time, yet desperately clinging on to the reckless young punk inside.

I may still be at that stage where I'm not sure what exactly it is I am expecting from myself. I'm not sure how exactly I want to approach "growing up" nor what exactly to leave behind in with my undergrad years.

So many things I am still unsure of, but I know I'm bound to realize and figure out eventually.

Recently, I revisited certain feelings from the past that I thought had long been tucked away in a dusty box. Evidently, feelings surface much too easily for comfort, no matter how long they've been buried. I chalk it up to the reckless young punk in me- unaware of potential consequences that could come back and bite me in the ass.

I've asked myself many times what I expect from myself, from others, from anyone. I have yet to figure any of that out. Hence why sometimes I feel it's just easier to throw myself into something stable, like work. Other things, as I have found out, are incredibly messy. And I don't think I'm ready for messy.

Not just yet.
Not any time soon.